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Submitted on
August 30, 2011
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Once again, laying on the floor,
I can barely move,
But I'm still holding on,
I keep it tight in my hand-
A bottle of alcohol…


My sight is blurred,
A strange beat I hear in my head,
I think I'm feeling great,
Because in fact I can't feel nothing at all,
I've let myself fall,
Drown my thoughts in a bottle of alcohol…

I thought it will help me,
Maybe it will set me free,
Erase my mind, get a new start,
Delete the memory of you from my heart,
Help me move on-
A bottle of alcohol…

I pull out the phone,
I'll make a try one more,
But all I hear is the robotic, impersonal voice,
"….please try again later", she said, just as before.
All is in vain, the "later" turned to never.

So I'll take another shot,
It can't harm me anymore now,
You already burned me on the inside,
Maybe soon I'll die,
My indifference about that is something I can't hide,
You already killed my soul,
But maybe will take its place-
A bottle of alcohol.

Long ago I gave up the fight,
Because I've lost you,
I've lost my light…

Over my body, all around,
There is blood,
A shattered mirror on the floor I found,
Shards in my skin are stuck,
I'm not sure, but I think I start to lose my breath,
Seems I've run out of luck,
There's a piece of glass in my throat,
I know this is the end of the road,
But I can't feel anything, so I don't care at all,
At least I have it-
A bottle of alcohol.
Well,alcohol,such a bad habbit,but such a good friend in the same time.Or at least in my oppinion
Add a Comment:
 
:iconeugenation:
eugenation Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2012
Not bad! I like the part with the phone call :)
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:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :aww:
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:iconslimt:
SlimT Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
your poetry is very interesting. generally strong, and you have a fair vocabulary. plus your structure isn't atrocious. Mostly though the sentiment behind the actaully grammatic bits are facisnating.
Two things I would suggest, is more strongly connecting the idea to the wording, instead of just putting what sounds nice and knowing what it means to yourself. let us- your readers- in on the joke before you deliver the punch line via description. It works better that way.
Also it wouldn't hurt to clean up the structure.
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:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks. ^^
I tend to hide a bit the meaning, I don't really know why, but I try to make things as clear as I can.
Also, the structure is really messy. I still have some problems with the grammar but I'm working on that :aww:
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:iconslimt:
SlimT Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
not the punctuation so much..it's the length of the lines, and the amount of lines in blocks. I'm still working on it myself. but the idea is, that actually product-the lines, the syllables and the stanzas should all be coordinated in an orginized fashion. :D it's tricky
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:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I always try that, but it all comes spontaneous in messy lines :D ...
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:iconslimt:
SlimT Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
agh I know hat you mean XD

still, I'm apsiring to develop my technique as much as my style if that makes sense ;)

I wonder if you'd like to have a sort of critiuqe party between the two of us?
sort of check out some of eachothers work and try to make it better?
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I would like that :aww: I'll visit tomorrow your gallery, I'll take a look and try that :D
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:iconslimt:
SlimT Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
it's a date :D
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I took a look around your gallery. With a day later x_x, but I still did. You have a nice gallery :aww:
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(1 Reply)
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