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I burst into laughter,
You're begging me to let you go,
Do you really think this is a joke?
Now is time for you to bow.

Do you remember when you used to call me "freak"?
What made you believe that I'm so weak?
There's nothing bad in being different,
Now, I hope you know how pleased you should be,
To know the real me,
A mad psycho, that's what I am,
And with a bloody murder, that's how I'll end this game.

Do you remember how you used to break me down?
Everyday bit by bit, why you wanted to destroy my soul?
But I didn't let you see my tears,
I turned my back, pretending is not real,
I couldn't let you know my fears.

Now, I hope you won't mind,
If I tear you open wide,
Chop your heart,
Do you remember you did the same?
For your savage death you are the one to blame.

Come on,
Why don't you laugh in my face once more?!
Do you believe now that the wheel can turn?
Well, your whole life is about to bend,
Take a look at my hand,
Is that your miserable life that I'm holding?
With your own blood, you're about of choking.

I hope you'll burn in hell,
Then finally you'll know how I felt everyday,
I hope you'll curse the moment that you came in my way.
Do you remember the words you said?
Now is time for you to whisper a last one,
Before I'll chop your head,
Revenge this time I've got,
Near your corpse you'll write it in blood,
Maybe this will be a lesson for them all,
To think before killing a soul.

-…do you remember?
         -…do you even remember?!
-…for you was it just a game?
               -… you should have thought once more.
-…you're the one to blame!
                   -…think before killing a soul!
Fell free to say your opinion ^^
Add a Comment:
 
:icondarknessoverme666:
darknessoverme666 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012
Riddles. always riddles. I don't a fucking clue what you are talking about. I never did anything to you hurt you, call you a freak, break you down day by day........? I was loving ,caring ,supportive, told you, you were beautiful every day,and built up your self -esteem in several other ways. What possible reason do you have for hating me?
Spit it out,and in English. Then, if you want to kill me, you will have a chance
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Are you fucking insane? What's wrong with you? If you don't get it, well, I don't care. Do you think I wrote that for you? No, I didn't. It's just... a poem. It's not addressed to you; I don't even know you and for sure I don't want to.

I'll be waiting to read your genius poems, I guess you write way much better than me if you thought you have the right to criticize my poem like that. Really, I'm waiting.
Reply
:iconkuro-kitsune-sama:
Kuro-Kitsune-sama Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2012  Student Writer
lol thats exactly how i feel
Reply
:icongreat-lord-dread:
Great-Lord-Dread Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I can't do this. I'm not critiquing this, I was gonna critique this but now I'm not. If I have to critique one more godawful free verse poem I'm gonna spray my brains across my keyboard. Screw it.
Reply
:iconwhitephoenixspirit:
WhitePhoenixSpirit Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2012  Student General Artist
clam ur self lad. U shouldnt post things like that...take it easy
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Sure, I appreciate. But I don't give a fuck ^^ I was about to delete your friendly comment, but I won't do it. If you didn't want to critique my poem, then you shouldn't post this shit neither. I'm extremely sorry if I wasn't able to make you happy with my god awful poem. I should burn in hell for this.
Reply
:iconeiracandles:
EiraCandles Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Reminds me of what I think about everyday when people attack me
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, exactly that's about. I'm really getting sick of those ppl who act like they are God, like they are perfect, critizing everybody around and mocking them.So I made this poem;yeah I didn't made such a big thing, trying to change something :D.....,but I felt better
Reply
:iconeiracandles:
EiraCandles Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
I know what you mean
Reply
:iconpociej:
pociej Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Love it.. You can't be 15! ;) come on! Admit it!
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :aww:
Well, I'm not really 15.I'll turn 16 on 2 December :D, but this doesn't mean too much :D
Reply
:iconpociej:
pociej Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
I remember this time of my life.. I wrote then too. :) But shhhh.. don't tell anyone. ;) Still.. I know what I'm saying, so don't argue with the elderly.. ;P
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Well, sure you know better than me :D
Reply
:iconpociej:
pociej Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
I am really impressed, so let me just repeat myself: wow!
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I'm really glad you liked my poem; for me it means alot :meow:
Reply
:iconpociej:
pociej Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Not liked - I dig it, feel it completely.. :)
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
:aww: still apreciated
Reply
:iconlyscooper:
LysCooper Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I really like the over all feel of the poem but I almost feel like parts of it could be made stronger by making the sporadic rhymes and slant rhymes be more consistant. For example

Now, I hope you won't mind,
If I tear you open wide,
Chop your heart,
Do you remember you did the same?
For your savage death you are the one to blame.

Mind and Wide are slant rhyme and Same and Blame rhyme which made this section particularly stand out, making it much more powerful. I also like the repetition of the line "Do you remember?"
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Yea, I know it could be better. But maybe I'll to modify it. :thanks:
By the way, thank you :aww:
Reply
:iconthe-fatalistic-smile:
The-Fatalistic-Smile Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2011  Student Writer
very well done :)
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
thanks ^^
Reply
:iconthe-fatalistic-smile:
The-Fatalistic-Smile Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2011  Student Writer
you are quite welcome :)
Reply
:iconcyranosdemet:
cyranosdemet Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2011
My opinion? Wow, thanks... I hope you don't regret your generosity.

My opinion is what a sad, sad waste it is that people (male or female, sub or dom, no matter what label they hang on themselves) will misuse and abuse each other in the name of love, contaminating the word for a lifetime. From my perspective, looking in from the outside, it's like being a soldier who rescued a group of children from the battle, walked them out to safety... a five day march across hostile terrain, wielding silent death that the children might have a chance in their lives (think the great Bruce Willis flick "Tears of the Sun")... and then later looking in on the children only to see them playing at War, with their eyes an empty void and their actions some stylized rendition of the horrors they didn't understand… and you wonder if you actually saved anything at all, or if you just caused them to suffer longer.
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Well,I'm sorry,-this may sound a bit foolish,but I don't really understand what you mean.English is not my primary language,and I regret it.I would love to understand each word and phrase.And sorry again for didn't understand you;your words really seem to say something strong,but I don't get it.You meant that thinking like that is just a waste of time,a fight for nothing?Well,if you did,then yeah,it is.But when you get the feeling,sometimes you can't deny it.So I just described this feeling,-wrong or no-,that's what I do.
Anyway,thanks for the opinion,-even if I'm not sure I got well it's idea-,for me it really matters :aww:
Reply
:iconcyranosdemet:
cyranosdemet Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2011
My apologies, your English is so good I assumed it was your native language. There is violence in your poem, the revenge of love betrayed. I am an old man, so often I have seen that revenge become a habit where love and the revenge of love become one and the same thing for to many people, often it passes one generation to the next. The illusion to the soldier is the idea you really can't save someone else from that mind trap, they must save themselves. Much the same as children who suffer from war will so often know nothing but war, and so the idea of war migrates and finds a home in the next generation. It is not a simple thought, and I did not present it well. Again, my apologies for my assumption.
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Well,it can be understand like the revenge of love betrayed,maybe more things,but what I really wanted to express was the feeling of beeing criticized,mocked just for beeing different,or having a defect.But also,your interpretation is very good, I really like it and it really fits :aww:
Reply
:iconepicaracacy:
Epicaracacy Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2011  Student Writer
'tis freaking EPIC! How do you write something like that?
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :aww: Well, I just let my emotions flow,try to make the words rhyme a bit and ready :D
Reply
:iconepicaracacy:
Epicaracacy Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2011  Student Writer
Well your emotions, and rhyming skills are expertly fused, to make the epicness i see before me
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :aww:
Reply
:iconepicaracacy:
Epicaracacy Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2011  Student Writer
Your welcome
Reply
:iconinsolublelife:
InsolubleLife Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011
:iconclapplz:
Reply
:iconizfish:
izfish Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
epical!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
:thanks:
Reply
:iconvan-dunkelschreiber:
Van-Dunkelschreiber Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I love it but I'm curious as to why you added the punctuation when you didn't realy need to
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks ^^.Well,I'm used to write prose,so maybe from there comes the obsesion for punctuation
Reply
:iconvan-dunkelschreiber:
Van-Dunkelschreiber Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
ok just curios

--
"To be smart is to know that a tomato is a fruit, to be wise is to know not to use a tomato in a fruit salad." Anonymous
--
“To seek knowledge, freedom, and autonomy means always to be in the concentrated process of becoming—always to be venturing into new territory, feeling one’s way at first, then getting one’s balance, negotiating, accommodating, discovering one’s self in ways that previously defined others” Barbara Mellix
--
There’s a 99.9999999999999999999999999% that I Like pie
--
Haikus can be nice
But sometimes they make no sense
Refrigerator
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
:aww:
Reply
:iconmyworldinwords:
myworldinwords Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I like it a lot
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you ^^
Reply
:iconjessicavanhelsing:
jessicavanhelsing Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I loved it! That was amazing! Loved the deepness, the flow and how it was story like. :love:
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you,I appreciate :aww:
Reply
:iconjessicavanhelsing:
jessicavanhelsing Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Your Welcome :aww:
Reply
:iconfelicia-neko:
Felicia-Neko Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
i can really feel the anger here!
very nicely written! :D
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :thanks:
Reply
:iconcovenofwings:
CovenOfWings Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
OMFGEEE!!!
O.o
.......
i wuvv it!!
Karma in notion
*thank lypracy we have seen the light*
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
:D
Reply
:iconidontknowwhattoname:
IDontKnowWhatToName Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011  Student Writer
Fantastic! A story in a poem, and a deep one at that!! :) I wouldn't change anything! Well done! :
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :D
Reply
:iconthemeddler:
TheMeddler Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I like this! But I saw something you might've missed. "I burst into laugh,". Shouldn't this be, "I burst into laughter,"?
Reply
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