Life

Life.

What does exactly life mean?

Let me crawl out of my dark corner and spit out my own definition. Let me shed these words before it becomes illegal. Let me crawl out for a moment; after I finish you can toss me and my ripped soul back in my gap. You can laugh at me and my foolish words. You can spit on my face and step on my heart.

And I know you will.

Life.

Life is built of silly, great, sweet, glorious, uplifting, cheerful, colored lies that we are used to call dreams. You can claim that I'm insane but try to analyze your dreams for a moment. Try to grab those sweet words you whisper to yourself every night. You can try but it will never become true, just like your dreams. Sure, five people out of twenty-five will see their dreams turning into reality, but for how long? Seeing your dreams turning into reality involves seeing them shatter down to pieces.

You may say that I'm negativist. You may give me examples of people that built up their dreams and lived happily ever after. You may stop reading this right now, because you can't feel yet these words as I do; or maybe because you can.

Life.

Life is just a bunch of useless moments. Useless, because we forget almost half of it. Do you still remember every Christmas or every birthday anniversary? … I don't. Do you still remember all the friends that you've lost? Many of them won't remember you anyway. You may say that I'm wrong, but it's okay. That's how the society works.

Do you see them laughing, smiling? I'm sure you do, because I do too. You can't imagine how many of them wipe away that hollow grin when nobody can see their faces. You can't imagine how many of them just lay on the floor lurking at the sky, empting their minds – or at least trying- of the awful words that were infused in their brain. They just sit there, secretly wishing for the Armageddon and shivering because of their own thoughts. They just sit there, planning the murder of others. They just sit there, planning their own death. They just sit there, drowned in misery, full of hate and disgrace.

I just sit there, seeing the society bleeding more and more as every day goes by.

Life.

You should stop reading this by now, because you won't like my discouraging words. You should stop, but you already know all these things.

I won't lie. In this life you'll be disappointed, betrayed, injured. They will hurt you, but you'll hurt others. That's how the society works.

Maybe you'll experience a strange feeling, which they are used to call "happiness", but don't fall for that. You'll have to pay for every little thing. You'll have to tore out your heart and rip it into pieces, throw away everything that defines you and follow the pattern because if you don't they'll toss you in a gap. Just like they did to me.

Life.

You may be chasing your true love but you'll never find it. You'll find one special person but… that special person will be chasing for other special one and in the end you'll end up alone. Just like they told me I will.

I hope you understand my frustrated phrases. I hope you don't expect to be happy someday, because you won't be.

It's time to drown back in my own darkness, to feed myself with grief and lies, to stare into the nothing dreaming to a better place. It's time to shut up again, because it seems like nowadays is forbidden to share your feelings or the real you.

If you can't kill the real you… they'll burn you down to ashes.

Life…

Or maybe "life" is just a simple group of four letters.

Sincerely,

  The Schizophrenic From The Gap.