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Submitted on
January 5, 2012
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Another crumpled sheet thrown on the floor,
Another shout, a thud, because she can't get rid of the sore,
The deaf poem of her broken heart is maybe too degraded,
She's not able to write it down, her soul is jaded,
The phrases of her life are burning on the inside,
A description about the moment when her dreams died,
It's smashing her heart and her tired mind.

From nowhere she hears a sardonic voice,
"- You're not able to hear the words anymore, in fact you never really did,
   You have shed some scraps on pages, lies your soul to feed with",
She covered her ears, closed her eyes,
To stop hearing the demonic voice she tries,
"- Shut up!" she yelled again like every day,
It's impossible to escape this abomination that came in her way.

Maybe this is an already lost fight,
A decommissioned road to the healing light,
Her pathetic flounder makes no sense,
She's laying on the floor holding a broken pen.
Torn by the fall from grace,
She will leave behind just a bloody trace,
No big words, heroic deeds,
She's maybe too selfish, a new soul she thinks she needs.

What a great disclosure,
I think I recognize those scarred eyes,
Those whacked whishes, lost in the ocean of despair and lies.

I gave her a hand,
But it seems like she won't get up,
Her eyes are dry and dead,
She's laying in a pool of blood,
In her chest the broken pen is stuck.

I breathe deep inside, because her face clearly now I see,
I can't believe, because real it cannot be,
But I'm not dead, am I?
Because the bruised corpse – is me …
This poem will seem a bit weird, but reading carefully will help to understand the subject

I worked on this one since 2 January, finished it kinda fast. I hope you'll like it ^^
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:iconwhitephoenixspirit:
WhitePhoenixSpirit Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Student General Artist
Very nice
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:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:thanks:
Reply
:iconmmanultra:
MManUltra Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I like it...
Reply
:iconeevee28:
eevee28 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2012
This is very, very good. :D I liked it a lot. The only thing was one little error in the line "She's maybe to selfish," I think you meant "too" insead of "to." But other than that, it was very good. ^-^ It makes me think of a writer who has lost their gift for it. They can't "hear" the words anymore. It's sad, but it's beautiful.
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:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, I'll change the word "to" in "too", just an error I didn't notice ^^

And well, in fact that is the subject. The lost gift; I'm glad you get the idea :aww:
Reply
:iconaldo-sama:
Aldo-sama Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Somthing in the 2nd stanza was wired to me.
well 1st- even if its a poem the 2nd and 3rd line should have looked like:
"- You're not able to hear the words anymore, in fact you never really did
- You have shed some scraps on pages, lies your soul to feed with"
if you rly want that - idk why to put him there. Its not his use.

from the 3rd stanza its getting more interesting and flowlike. There is a atmosphere that was built by a tempo. And you can feel the tempo there. Its not mess-like.
From there its just get more awesome. so i have nothing more 2 say XP
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, I see what you mean . It's about the < " > , right?


Anyway, thank you. At that part I've been a bit confused about how to write, the dialogue, but I'll take a look again and maybe change as you said ^^
Reply
:iconaldo-sama:
Aldo-sama Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
mybe :D
lit is good as it was from the making.
Reply
:iconthfan259:
THFan259 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:thanks:
Reply
:iconbalancecontradicting:
BalanceContradicting Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2012  Student General Artist
Great job hun :)
Reply
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